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All reviews - Movies (8) - TV Shows (1) - Books (2) - Music (2)

The Dark Knight review

Posted : 10 years, 11 months ago on 14 April 2013 03:44 (A review of The Dark Knight)

Heath Ledger was amazing. Everything else smelt of Hollywood shit through and through. I cannot believe that intelligent people have been hoodwinked into believing this is an intelligent Christopher Nolan film, it's not. It's a long, uncomprehensable mess. Nolan is a hit or miss kind of director. This time he missed.


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Half a star is too much

Posted : 10 years, 11 months ago on 14 April 2013 03:39 (A review of Casino Royale)

This is definitely the worst film I've ever seen. I wanted a funny Peter Sellers movie, nope, he doesn't show up until over half way through this sloggishly long piece of absolute shit, and even then, he isn't given anything to work with. This film is really just uncomprehensable. The imdb description tells me it's supposed to be about a retired james Bond. You wouldn't have gathered that by watching the movie. I can't really put into words the complete awfulness of this film. There are amazing Peter Sellers movies, this is not one of them. In fact, I refuse to believe he was actually in this movie. 0/10


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Raping my Soul

Posted : 10 years, 11 months ago on 14 April 2013 03:34 (A review of Antichrist)

To be effected profoundly by pixels flashing on a screen is the intent every filmmaker should strive for. Antichrist certainly did that. I thought I'd seen the worst, most shockingly repulsive things in that internet masterpiece now known simply it's descriptive title "Two girls, one cup", which literally made me puke, but no. In Antichrist, I found a film not only gorey, repulsive, disgusting and sexual all at once, but a film littered with symbolism and depth for which two minute porn trailers can never dream of reaching. An important theme in this film is sex, in a clearly negative sense. It begins in the very first scene of the film, where we see Charlotte Gainsburg and Willem Dafoe actually have sex (yeah, it's pretty gross) as their young child jumps from a two story window. This film has left me with what I can only describe as an "icky feeling" all over.

You have been warned.


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Nihilism finally has a perfect film

Posted : 10 years, 11 months ago on 14 April 2013 03:21 (A review of Naked)

Most people have turning points in their life, moments where some event changed their perspective and made them different people. Whether it be trauma or success, heartbreak or love, most of us have moments like this. Because I am a socially awkward, late teen who hasn't done anything with his life yet, all of these moments for me have been experienced through movies. The most recent film to utterly destroy my previous perception of reality was the masterpiece "Naked", which stars David Thewlis, or as I knew previously, Professor Lupin. This film is probably the most nihilistic I have seen cinema go, with Thewlis pulling off sharp dialogue. The main character, Jack, is not always right about everything (in fact there's a scene where he talks about how the world is going to end in 1999) but he says everything with such depth and conviction that it's hard not to be effected. In the end, this film left me with a cleansed sort of feeling of emptiness. As far as nihilist art goes, this blows Catcher in the Rye out of the fucking water.


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The Marshall Mathers LP review

Posted : 10 years, 11 months ago on 14 April 2013 03:10 (A review of The Marshall Mathers LP)

The most raw and on-point Eminem has ever been in his career. It is the best rap album ever. Some people don't like rap, but I really don't see how you can't like this.


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Ancient Aliens review

Posted : 10 years, 11 months ago on 14 April 2013 02:35 (A review of Ancient Aliens)

I should begin by saying that I don't believe a word of this drivel and anyone who does is stupider then the man who thought he could change gravity at will and consequently nose dived from his third story window. With that out of the way, I love Ancient Aliens. Why? Because it is the most interesting religion yet devised by mankind. And yeas, it is a religion because it's tenants are unproven and stupid, just as the case with any religion. Ancient Aliens should be viewed not as a documentary as it is so often misclassified as, but as a brilliant piece of science fiction.


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The Bad Beginning (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 1) review

Posted : 10 years, 11 months ago on 14 April 2013 02:29 (A review of The Bad Beginning (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 1))

This is one of those things best experienced twice, once as a kid and then again as an adult or teenager. There are things you wont get the first time that only a more mature person would get, and it only gets better as time progresses. Brilliant in every use of the word (except as a shiny object, that wouldn't make any sense). Lemony Snicket is a genius.


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Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone review

Posted : 10 years, 11 months ago on 14 April 2013 02:26 (A review of Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone)

I'm not being hyperbolic at all when I say that this is definitely, without question, the best thing that has been created during my lifetime. This book taught me how to read, literally.


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To call it beautiful is an understatement

Posted : 10 years, 11 months ago on 14 April 2013 02:23 (A review of 2001: A Space Odyssey)

When I first watched 2001:A Space Odyssey I was eight, which is probably a shame because I was bored out of my mind, not having the patience to endure it's almost three hour length nor the intelligence to understand the rampant symbolism and themes. But now, I can see it as the masterpiece it is. Certainly you have to be in the right sort of mood to watch this movie, but if you are it is a beautiful experience. I cried.

If anyone is unsure about the cryptic ending, let me offer my interpretation. The monolith is an alien technology that speeds up evolution. We see this as the monkeys stroke it and suddenly have the knowledge to use weapons, which puts them lightyears ahead of their peers (literally, as we see that those apes have put satellites into space). On the moon, the men also touch it (we don't see what happens to them, but I'm thinking giant floating fetuses) We later see the monolith floating out in space near where Dave and HAL are. The stargate scene (the trippy one) is literally the experience of quickly evolving. The end where we see the giant floating fetus is the next evolutionary leap forward (for some reason). That's my interpretation anyway.


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A Face in the Crowd review

Posted : 10 years, 11 months ago on 14 April 2013 02:06 (A review of A Face in the Crowd)

Citizen Kane-like in it's rise and fall archetypal plot line, this film succeeded far beyond Kane in the absolutely brilliant performance and humor of Andy Griffith. I mean damn, I'd seen the Andy Griffith show, but this is amazing.


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